I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
