You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
