Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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