i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
