I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
