I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
