Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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