took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
