dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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