I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
