Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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