I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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