after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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