I wish I could punch you in the face.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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