I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
