every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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