Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
