this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
