I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
