So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
