So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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