I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
