Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
