Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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