He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
