We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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