He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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