Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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