Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
