I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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