I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
