It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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