you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
