Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
