what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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