Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize