That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
