Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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