At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
