he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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