wat bout pragnant strippers??
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize