he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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