I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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