So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
