we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
