If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
