I smell stomach acid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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