On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
