Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I party with great urgency now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
