I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
