not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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