it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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