Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
