Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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