His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize