I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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