walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
