The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
sex in a hospital.. check
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
