he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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