Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
