I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My hand turned me down
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
