I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She bit a glass in half.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
