Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
