I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
