A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
