i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
